The Queen Loses Weight
by crazyforkpop
Summary: The Queen of Hearts is tired of being obese and decides to lose weight and become a changed person.


The Queen of Hearts was sitting in her throne in her castle in Wonderland, looking as bored as usual. Sure, everything was always her way, but as much as she hated to admit it, she was kind of getting bored of being a queen.

She decided to walk in the garden and admire her rose bushes and trees. She was about to get to the strawberry field by squeezing through some hedges, but as you would imagine, she was far too plump to get through, and was stuck in the hedges. She struggled to get out of the hedges until she instantly burst out the gap and fell back first, however she ripped the hem of her trademark red, black, white and yellow dress.

A card rushed up to her and helped her up. "Are you alright, your majesty?"

"Oh, I'm fine, it was nothing."

"Ummmm, your majesty?" said the card, trying not to giggle.

"What? What's funny?"

"Ummmm...nothing..."

"Come on, I am always in for a good joke!"

"I think that you are too big to get through the hedges." the card said giggling.

"What are YOU calling "too big"?"

"No, your majesty..."

"Are you saying that I am too big?"

"No..."

"I am NOT too big to get through the hedges! Off with your head!"

The Queen spun to get the other guards to perform the execution when she managed to stop by the pond and gaze at her reflection.

"Never mind," she said to the relieved card, "You can go now. It's nothing."

"Are you sure?" the card asked.

"Yes, go go!"

The Queen gazed at her reflection.

"Maybe I am too fat after all," she thought, "I really need to lose weight. I'm sick of not being able to take shortcuts. I have to lose weight."

The Queen of Hearts called a diet and exercise program the next day and decided to get some advice on how to lose weight.

* * *

The Queen went to the dietitian and decided to get some advice on how to lose weight.

"Your majesty," the dietitian said shaking hands with the Queen, "It's nice to meet you."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, doctor."

"I assume that you are here for advice on how to lose weight?"

"Yes, anything please, please!"

"Okay, tell me what you ate this morning."

"Ummmm, I had bacon and eggs and potatoes."

"Were they fried in oil?"

"Yes."

"What did you have to drink with it?"

"Red wine. I love red wine."

"Okay, let's talk about what you ate yesterday. Start from the moment you got up, and tell me what you had to eat and drink."

"Okay, ummm, for breakfast I had pancakes with maple syrup, jam, butter as well as a sandwich."

"What kind of sandwich was it?"

"It was a nutella toast sandwich with strawberries."

"Did you drink anything for breakfast?"

"Yes, I had milk."

"What kind?"

"Chocolate."

"Okay, what did you have for lunch yesterday?"

"I had steak and potatoes, as well as a hamburger and squad sandwiches with red wine."

"Okay, and dinner?"

"I had a large pizza with extra pepperoni, pineapple, beef, mozzarella, ham and salmon. I also had spaghetti bolognaise with lots and lots of meatballs. Oh, and I had red wine again. After that I had ice cream."

"What kind of ice cream?"

"Chocolate ice cream sundae with a cherry on top and extra chocolate syrup."

"Okay, considering how much you have told me, your portions are extremely high in terms of fat and calorie content. But I have some suggestions towards how you can lose weight."

To be honest the dietitian having heard about the Queen's temper tantrums, oppressive regime and gruesome executions he was pretty uncomfortable talking to her. But surprisingly the Queen did not let out a tantrum at all, she was that determined to lose weight

"Well," the dietitian continued, "I have some suggestions. Can you replace the glasses of red wine and chocolate milk and other beverages with water and regular milk?"

"Yes."

"And eat vegetables and fruits more regularly?"

"Oh yes, my kingdom has loads of those allotments."

"Good, good. And can you continue to cut down the high calorie content and include more vitamins and minerals in your diet."

"Yes, I'd do anything to lose weight!"

"Wow," said the dietitian, shocked that she did not go ballistic at all. "That is a very enthusiastic spirit. Can you exercise more?"

"Yes, what kind of sports do you recommend? I tried taking diet pills but they did not work."

"Instead of diet pills I recommend that you exercise for frequently, such as walk, jog, hike, or do a sport. Yoga is one of the best - "

"Oh that's good, I looooooooooooooooooooove yoga!"

"I see. Well here are some tips," the dietitian said handing the Queen a piece of paper. "I hope they can help you lose weight. It should work in about 6 months."

"Uhhhhh ok." said the Queen taking the paper, not expecting the duration to be that long, but she was still determined to lose weight.

* * *

Six months later, after the Queen took the dietitian's advice and changed her diet and did yoga frequently, she could not wait to look in the mirror to see how she was doing. She was a yoga master by then, so she looked in the mirror.

She jumped for joy.

"WAAAAAAAHEYYYYYYYY! I LOST WEIGHT!"

She began dancing and prancing around the castle.

"I LOST WEIGHT! I LOST WEIGHT!"

She did lose weight, but that still did not change the fact that she still did have a bulbous nose, no chin and was just not an attractive woman, although she did look much better than before.

"Hello castle," she said greeting all the objects, "Hello knights, hello cards, hello door, hello hearts, hello windows, hello bathroom, hello roses, hello Alice - "

She stopped momentarily by a mannequin of Alice that she made of her own.

"HA!" she laughed, "Who's the "fat, pompous, bad tempered old tyrant" now? Off with her head!"

The Queen took out from her drawer an axe and swished it through the neck of the toy, making the head fall off.

"If I do catch you." she said plainly as she kicked the mannequin's head aside.

"Off with whose head?" ask a card.

"Never mind," said the Queen, "You can go now. I was just playing."

The Queen sat on the bed and sighed. She still remembered how she thought Alice was being such a pest to her.

"It's not like I will ever get her again," she sighed, "BUT I'M HAPPY!" she cheered again as she continued to celebrate her weight loss and for the first time slipped neatly through the hedges to the strawberry field.


End file.
